Law School Look Alikes Part 2

Tweeter from Varsity Blues

J-Love (again)

John Stamos

McGuffy

Coach Lane Kiffin

Hron

Andy Samberg

West

Chris from Family Guy

Gieske

Bart Simpson

OK, Maybe not....

Law School Look Alikes- Part 1

Have you ever had that feeling when you run into someone and you feel like you have known them for years in a previous life? I feel that way everyday as I walk through the law school. I have figured out why, many of our fellow classmates and friends have some pretty notable doppelgangers. Don't be offended

Beaux

Rip Hamilton

Russ

Harry Potts

Fell

Richard Simmons

Trew

Owen Wilson

Lit

Six Flags Guy

J- Love

Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez - The Sandlot

Law School Stabber

Non-Existent

Fleshane (basketball version)

Carrot Top (basketball version)

Feel free to comment with suggestions.

The Hmuan Mnid

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I clouod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuanmnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deson't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deosnot raed ervey lteter by istelf, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Pterty Ferkain' Amzanig!!!

Where have all the heroes gone?

Our Generation...

This Generation...

Don't get me wrong, I am the first to respect good literature, but you have to see the difference a few years can make. The kids growing up today may turn out better than we did. Who knows I have just been noticing the differences between the people I looked up to and the people that today's adolescents idolize. I guess one of the most glaring differences that I have seen lately was when I walked into subway to get the usual (i came here to be healthy, but damn that chicken breast, pepperoni, cheese, and bacon looks so much better without vegetables). Everyone knows Jared. He has been the face of one of the most successful advertising campaigns in recent history, and I must admit he makes me want to eat a sandwich. Now think back a few years. When I was younger, what was the one thing that I wanted to eat. Slim Jim! Macho Man Randy Savage was the biggest badass on the planet and he made me think that if I ate that beef jerky I wouldn't be such a p****. Then Randy Savage was replaced by Carrot Top, Carrot Top got canned and got on steroids and now Jared is the face of food advertising. I don't really know where I am going with this post but times have changed. Have they changed for better or for worse. Now instead of camping outside of the Monroe Civic Center to get front row WCW Monday Night Nitro Tickets, kids are camping outside of Barnes and Noble to find out what new spells the Hogwarts are casting. The Ultimate Warrior and Sting v. Harry Potter and Brody Jenner? Zack Morris v. Spencer? The Hardy Boys v. Twilight? American Gladiator v. American Idol? Legends of the Hidden Temple v. Survivor? I choose the former in all of those.

I am not saying that kids will turn out like their childhood heroes. If that were the case, then I would shed the capris pants for tassles, steroids, and facepaint. But who you look up to goes a long way in your development. For many years I thought I was a badass and if anyone messed with me they would fall victim to the "figure 4" or the "lion tamer." That feeling set the stage for my life lessons of humilty after I found out that wrestling moves didn't work on real bullies and my best bet was to hide my head under the bleachers as the 16 yr old 6th grader whooped my overconfident tail. I am not sure what is going to happen to a kid when he tries to pull some hocus pocus shit on the class bully. Maybe he will learn the same lessons I did. I can't wait to see if the differences between generations actually turn into something. Our parents probably looked at the things we watched and did growing up and scoffed just as I am, but damn I sure would like to see a tag team battle between the Road Warriors (Hawk and Animal) and the Freedom Fighters (Sting and The Ultimate Warrior) on TV instead of a reality TV show with a bunch of west coast trust fund babies.

You Choose....


OR

Gold team official response.

Congrats with your draft, purple, and here are some thoughts from the Gold angle:

I'm fine with playing against Stegich, as long as if he sets any Barrister's Bowl records they are either stricken from the books or have asterisks by them. He looks like the child of the dude from Green Mile and Hulk Hogan. Don't fucking tell him I said that.

Matt Williams is a big question mark for the purple team... I like the pickup though. He could be a bust.... but I'm leaning toward him being a monster. I think what we'll do is put Radford up against him and see which one eats the other one first.

Spencer Schoonenberg would be the Gold Team's equivalent to MW. There is no telling... anyone know anything about his game? I've had a few conversations with S-squared... he's a genuinely nice guy but there's a slight hint of 'I will fuck you up if you cross me,' which tells me he may have a joint venture children-eating business with Radford. If he's anything near Radford's studliness, he will turn some heads. I lobbied hard for this pickup, and I don't think he will disappoint.

Henri Dufresne... No one can pronounce this 1L's name, but I have a feeling people in attendance at Barrister's Bowl will learn quickly, assuming announcer Mikey Aucoin avoids another disaster like 'Hevvelston.' This kid apparently walked on at Nichols as a linebacker, and is willing to do anything to put St. J on his back. Gold Team has put its funds together and this year instead of slipping Mickeys in all the cheerleaders drinks like last year, we will be buying the 'patch' in an attempt to make him put down the cancer sticks. Gold Team has high hopes for this kid.

Jason Harbison. We took this guy because he looks like a cagefighter in his lawschool facebook picture... pretty much no other reason. When we actually saw him at the draft, we realized what a decision we made. Make no mistake, he will be on Woodard like MJ on your nephew. Can't wait to see him in action. Perhaps I will be wearing a red jersey in practice this year to make sure I avoid any and all contact with this guy.

These are just some of the memorables from the draft this year. There are others that will no doubt surprise, hopefully in a good way. Looks to be a great matchup, especially if McCord gets in there. I look forward to once again seeing Fleshman turn himself into a human spear, and watching Al Saulsbury drink for two in the stands.

Gold- 31 Purple- 28

Barristers Bowl 2K10

Well, for those of you who simply cannot wait for the next edition of S.I., the Barristers Bowl draft is complete. As representative for the Rougin' Robitussin, I'll primarily speak for the Purple team regarding its most recent acquisitions.

A lot of energy was spent last year attempting to stop the human highlight reel that is Beaux Jones. If we bottled him up and contained his running abilities, he shredded us downfield to the likes of Bassett, Helveston (RIP) and Commish Laborde. And when we were stingy against the pass, well...yours truly can say that a head-to-head meeting with number 7 is not pleasant. For these reasons, Purple went into the draft with a defensive mindset. Matt Stegich, Brent Cobb, and Matt Williams are all expected to be heavy hitters capable of disrupting the well-oiled Gold offense. Steggich looks like Lou Ferrigno, and claims to have played a little ball at Yale -- the LSU of the Northeast. Cobb too was a collegiate football player at Tulane Community College, while Matt Williams is, quite simply, from Texas -- nuff said.

Don't fret -- Purple didn't forget about offense. To supplement St. "Sweetness" Julien, Purple drafted Matt Mize and Blaine Ayedell at wide receiver. Both appear to be silky athletes, but the fact that their moms never let them play tackle football growing up is definitely a question mark. Both of these guys will have to step up big, as it's undecided whether Fleshman's girlfriend will let him off the ball and chain for this year's game......Boom.

In summary, things are looking good for the purple people eaters. Reclaiming dominance 1/30/2010.

To paraphrase Master P,

"All eyes on 3"

Law School Drama

Disclaimer: If you are reading this post to get the latest scoop on the drama around the law school, you are looking in the wrong place.

This is a really basic question that I guess has always bothered me a little... but I guess I had never thought about it too much: what's the deal with all the fucking drama at the Law School?

High school was one thing... you get people hooking up and inevitably everyone finding out, people having parties and getting busted by parents, throwing eggs at houses and people finding out... I don't know, maybe some of that is junior high but you get the point. But it makes sense in high school. You are young, many times inexperienced, and are just learning the ropes. Often times it is an awkward phase and you have insecurities that are best hidden by immersing yourself in conversation about 'who did what and who got upset and who got in trouble.' I wasn't (or I tell myself I wasn't) a huge part of it... but I get it. I did then, and I do now.

College was the first time I felt like I was around a lot of people that really couldn't give a shit about who did what... and it was great. There were a few exceptions... sometimes I found myself caught up in girl trouble or had a friend mad at me... but 99.9% of the time it was easy living. People start to learn the game. Every time a girl goes home with a guy, it's not 'OMG, guess who she hooked up with!' It's more like, 'I don't care, why are you telling me this?' Guys figure out that girls they go home with probably don't want to date them... and vice versa. It takes a while to get over the 'we made out so we are officially dating' thing... some take longer than others, but by 3rd year, everyone knows the game.

If someone gets in trouble, goes to jail, fails a test, whatever.... it's just not that big of a deal. In undergrad, it seemed like if it didn't concern you, you didn't concern yourself with it. You really didn't have time, because you were too busy enjoying life to immerse yourself in everyone else's bullshit. At some point I thought to myself, 'Wow, this is it. This is what it's like to not have to deal with people being upset with me for no reason, people gossiping constantly, people expecting me to take sides against other people.'

Then I got to law school. I wouldn't go so far as to say it has been a nonstop parade of a bad soap opera, but sometimes I think it bears resemblance.

To start, I will say my original section (2) was overall pretty good the first year. Unless I really missed something, for the most part it was smooth sailing. I enjoyed that. But at some point around the first break shit just hit the fan. People bitching about other people holding outlines, buddying up with professors, name calling... it was brutally reminiscent of high school.

Since then, it has really ratcheted up. I don't really need to repeat all instances of drama I have heard... because everyone knows everybody's business, so you've probably heard it before. If you are even remotely connected around school, you have more than likely heard a negative thing said about 2/3 of the people at school here for one reason or another.

Why have we reverted back to our high school days? I guess by writing this piece I may be the pot calling the kettle black, but EVERYONE thinks that they are above it. If you continually find yourself in the middle of drama, though, it might be time to reevaluate where yourself. I can't remember how many times people have told me 'Oh, I hate drama so much... why am I always caught up in it?' Meanwhile, I'm thinking, 'Why are you telling me this? You live for this. This is actually why God put you on this earth... to stick your nose in other people's business and then act like you are a victim of circumstance.'

The same people gravitate to drama time and again. Everyone knows who these people are, except the people themselves. (In fact, if I am one of these people, and you consider yourself a friend, please tell me.)

On second thought… you have to know. How could you not? There might be some readers who will be offended just because they know they fit the profile. If so… don’t get offended, just next time you feel yourself about to spread a rumor, just shut the fuck up instead. You will be a more peaceful person.

Most of us are in our mid-to-upper-20's. It's embarrassing to write about this because the concept of adults in an academic setting bitching and gossiping about every little thing that goes on is ridiculous. This would be golden material in a high school newspaper… the fact that it is still very relevant at our age is sickening. I wonder if other law schools deal with the same garbage that goes on here. I have friends in other grad schools that get along fine for the most part.... maybe we spend so much time working and studying together that we occupy our little bit of down time discussing what's going on with other people. I guess I can dig that...talking about people can be interesting, and constructive, but only if you can do it without gossiping.

I don't know, maybe I am making this a bigger deal than it is... which I guess would be kind of ironic in a post like this. But I don't think I'm alone when I say that it's starting to get old. Maybe the break will give us all a chance to get a clean slate.

Stupid Celebrity Baby Names

I came across an article about Jason Lee today which mentioned his son, Pilot Inspektor Lee. No typos there. It got me thinking... why do celebrities always seem to give their kids the stupidest names? I realize I am only scratching the surface with the short list, but here are some of the dumbest kid names I have seen...

Apple, son of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin of Coldplay.... Apple, really? Apple. Imagine you're scheduled for surgery, you have a choice between 2 surgeons: first one's name is John, second one's name is Apple. Maybe I'm overthinking this, but I'm gonna stick with John.

Memphis Eve, daughter of Bono. OK, so you're a huge douche... that's fine, plenty of people are huge douches. It's just selfish to impose your douchiness on someone else who doesn't deserve it. I guess if a friend of mine told me they had named their kid the same thing, I wouldn't think it was so bad... but if you told me Bono had a kid, the first thing I would think to myself is 'Yeah he probably gave it some ridiculous name like Starcrest or something.' Well, here it is... Memphis Eve. Not only does she have to live the rest of her life as Bono's kid, but now she has to live with that awful name.

Blanket, son of MJ. It's one thing to think outside the box, go against the conventional mode of thinking... but this is just mean. Naming your kid Blanket is way, way dumber than dangling it over a railing....

Blue Angel, daughter of The Edge from U2. What do you know? another douchey name from the douchiest band in the world.

Jermajesty, son of Jermaine Jackson. This name borders between absurd and awesome... in the spirit of the post, I'll go with absurd. Does Jermaine remember that when he names his kid Jermajesty, he will have to live with that his whole life?

Zowie, son of David Bowie. Get it?

Celebrities are often smarter than people give them credit for... most are well educated and very well informed... their politics tend to swing much farther to the left than I am willing to go, but for the most part they are able to back up what they say, and I respect that.

But sometimes it seems as though they are so caught up in trying to fit in, or trying to show how different they are, or creative... that they forget that they are sticking these kids with names that they have to live with forever. I'm all for unique names for kids, but I'm sure "Moon Unit" Zappa would take a strong stance on how different is too different...

Maybe I'm making this a bigger deal than it really is, but to me, it just seems selfish. It seems as though many celebrities are more concerned with people's perception about what they named their child than the act of actually giving the child a reasonable name. I think there are plenty of avenues to express your creativity or originality, but when it is taken to this extreme, this is not one of them.

Legalize Mary Jane....please!

For my entire life, I've always accepted that the left-handed cigarette is a very bad thing, and the use of it should be punished accordingly. But....why?

Marijuana is a "gateway drug", some may say in counter. Well, not to be cute, what is a "gateway drug?" Webster's defines it as "any mood-altering drug, as a stimulant or tranquilizer, that does not cause physical dependence but may lead to the use of addictive drugs." Well, doesn't alcohol fit squarely under this definition? Of course it does, for you'd be hard pressed to find one user of cocaine, heroin, etc who was not at one point and time (previous to their serious drug addiction) a user of alcohol. Therefore, I either (1) don't buy the gateway drug theory, or (2) think the gateway drug theory is conveniently not applied to alcohol due to arbitrary social norms.

So, why punish the use of marijuana? Rare is the event when people get high as a kite and go kick the ever living canibus out of some poor, unsuspecting fool. Conversely, rare is the night where some fratstar at Bogies doesn't prove his manhood by hurling a jager-bomb induced right hook onto the chin of some guy who snaked his date at a band party freshman year....so he thinks, at least.

Additionally, while I make no claims at being an economist, I am a self-proclaimed logician: by punishing marijuana, we create and perpetuate the market for dope dealers everywhere. It's simple -- when your service to society is to provide something illegal, you can jack up your prices to make a healthy living. If we legalized marijuana we would not only eradicate this "problem," but we would also bolster our own economy by acquiring tax derivatives.

And for you Scaliaites who would say our founding fathers would roll over in their graves at the thought of this (which fits squarely under the right of privacy guaranteed in the penumbral right emanated by the 1st, 2nd, 4th, 5th, 9th and 14th amendments; also, see Griswold v. Connecticut, Bowers v. Hardwick, and Lawrence v. Texas) puff on this....

Are professional athletes really that much better than the rest of us?

I am sure when we were all growing up, and maybe still today, we were/are as dedicated to our sports as any professional athlete out there. However, something happened along the way to launch us into the most hated profession in the country, and them into the world of models, million dollar contracts, and the respect of nearly everyone in the world. What was it? Steroids? Good High School Programs? Genetics? An extra tendon around the Achilles region?

I don't know what the difference is between us and them, but I accept that there is a difference.

All theories aside, I saw something last night that showed pro-atheltes superiority more than I have ever seen. It wasn't Deverey Henderson's catch. It wasn't Drew Breesus going 8-9 on the deep ball. The thing that amazed me was a result of the strong left hand of the Argentinian sharpshooter, Manu Ginobli.

The Sacramento Kings/San Antonio Spurs game was repeatedly interrupted by a small flying mammal, which garners quite the attention in the month of October. Yes, a bat was swooping through the players, scaring the living hell out of them and stopping play. Manu eventually had enough and.....well just watch



Are you kidding me? As a person who grew up in a home where the porch columns acted as a bat colony I shouldnt be amazed, but I am. There is a certain level of respect/distance that bats and humans should agree on. Sure, one of those blood sucking bastards ran into me as I was riding a four wheeler, but I forgave him. I am not scared of bats, but I know for a fact, that I would never touch one of those aviary rats even if my life depended on it. When I go home for the holidays my dad and I love to go out on the porch in the early morning light to watch the bats pour bats into the columns (it really is quite the sight), but if one of their sonars malfunctioned and I got touched, you better believe that I am waking the neighborhood up with my scream.

For further comparison of Manu's reaction check out this great American classic to see how non-professional athletes want to react when they hear the word "bat" without "man" following it.

Boise St. should be in a BCS bowl game

That's right, I said it. And why not? Year in and year out they prove that they can win their one big game and killdoze the rest of their opponents, only to be slapped in the face with a "sorry guys, try again next year" from the BCS.

Look, I'm the first to respect what occurs every Saturday in the SEC and other major conferences. But I can also recognize a team that has withstood the test of time like Boise. Their schedule is undeniably weak, but seasons of near perfection -- even against lesser opponents -- is an incredibly impressive feat (just ask Pete Carroll how hard that can be). And for those who make the straw-man argument that Boise would get crushed against a major conference competitor, remember that it wasn't that long ago that Oklahoma was singing the Boise blues...

College football is not about one year's performance. If it were, there would be no such thing as preseason rankings. Every year the expected leaders of the major conferences come in with an advantage regarding the BCS system, and rightfully so. But when a team has dominated to an extreme degree and for a long period of time, they should be rewarded with a chance.

What happened to tube socks?

I guess I owe this one to my old man, because if I went to his sock drawer once during my youth (I get my inability to do laundry timely honestly -- love you, mom), I went a thousand times. And there was something comfortable about pulling on a pair of cotton constrictions, calve-high, and going on about my day. Sometime since then, however, this practice has faded into deplorability.

Why? What's so bad about the tube-sock? The tan-line argument doesn't fly, or else wife-beaters would be the dominant form of shirt. Are they equatable to bell-bottoms, in the sense that they have, quite simply, had their time?